Well it's almost August and the kids will be back in school soon how did the summer
Fly by so fast???
I'll be spending my first ever birthday away from jazmine I have never not been there for her birthday so it makes me rather sad knowing she is 2states away and I won't be there to sing to her....though I plan to make it up when she comes home in Sept, we did get to see her for 4 days over 4th of July and the progress she has made is amazing she is a new kid and has so many goals set for herself I can't wait to see what she does.
(Jazmine first on the right)
All the other children are doing well and have been great with helping around the house since I have been sick since the beginning of June started with a simple uti and then slid into meningitis followed by the loss of my ability to speak,then bronchitis I am hoping I'm done being sick now as it puts such a strain on everything.'........
I also made it through another May I still miss Hudson more than ever but I can feel some healing finally, I recently held a friend's newborn baby and for the first time in 2yrs I felt complete joy like I used to feel when I held babies this was a big deal because before I just couldn't hold babies and the few I did hold it would break me inside and I would hand the baby back and get out of the area as quick as I could and honestly I'd cry , cry for the son I couldn't hold,cry because of the pain ripping me apart. So it's good to have some healing and I thank heavenly father for healing me at least a little, also knowing I'll be with him again someday helps me keep going.
Tuesday, July 21, 2015
Tuesday, April 28, 2015
New Beginnings
Well it would seem that new beginnings are happening in the last month we have had 2 baby goats make there appearance, and a Lamb, the lamb was a Surprise had no idea the female was even expecting we are still waiting on
ducklings....
ducklings....
Another new beginning Jazmine started a boot camp this month and just finished the acclimation phase and is now a Cadet! she has until September before she will be home but we are hoping this makes her a better person and points her in the right direction for life, she seems to be doing very well there except for a small hiccup at the very start
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| 4th from the right front Row |
everyone else is doing well,though I am dreading May as it gets closer I have found myself having more frequent panic attacks, the night that my world fell apart replays in my mind again and again, and I find all I can do is pray,pray for peace,pray for the image's to stop, pray for the panic that sets in to leave me.....though it doesn't seem to be working,sleep is harder and I find myself laying awake wondering why? I know he had his purpose that it was something that was going to happen in my life and yet I still ask my self why me? ill just be glad when the Month of may if over and I can stop dreading that day for another year.
Thursday, March 26, 2015
Making my Blog a little more public
So I think for the first time ever I am going to make this Blog more public....let people see the me
that most don't see, We have some events coming up soon a couple I Would rather not think about
really and a few that will be fun.
Couper is now 5 and in Preschool, he loves being with the other kids and getting to play but he is
picking up things from them that I could really do without and I am now seriously considering Homeschooling him.
Bryan is doing well has all A's and B's he does a lot for himself now he can make his own lunch
clean his room and likes to help feed our animals
Matthew is almost 13! he is so tall now taller than I am, still loves the Video games and can tell you just about everything about them. He is such a good boy and is managing his diabetes quite well, poor kid has been dealt a rough hand when it has come to his health but he has taken that in stride.
Danielle will be 14 Saturday and she went out for Volleyball this year but did not make the team but there is always next year, she has become quite the social butterfly this year,
She also got her braces back In Oct and the poor kid just hates them but looks forward to the straight
teeth that will follow
Jazmine......ah jazmine we have had a lot of problems over the past few months and i have shed many many tears, she will be going to a Boot Camp through The National Guard in April and be there until September, when she gets home she will have Graduated High School, there is a part of me that knows she needs this and it will help her so much, but there is the Part of me that just breaks knowing all she is going to miss out on and that I cant give it to her later, I just have to hold on to the knowledge that this is what is best for her and that I love her so much I am willing to do whatever I have to help her and I pray that she will see that eventually.
Our Family as a whole is doing well, we are waiting on two of our Goats to have babies and I guess it could be any day now, and 1 of our Ducks is sitting on about 8 eggs so we have ducklings to look forward to as well.......I don't think we will be keeping any of the babies but it will be fun to see them while we have them.
that most don't see, We have some events coming up soon a couple I Would rather not think about
really and a few that will be fun.
Couper is now 5 and in Preschool, he loves being with the other kids and getting to play but he is
picking up things from them that I could really do without and I am now seriously considering Homeschooling him.
Bryan is doing well has all A's and B's he does a lot for himself now he can make his own lunch
clean his room and likes to help feed our animals
Matthew is almost 13! he is so tall now taller than I am, still loves the Video games and can tell you just about everything about them. He is such a good boy and is managing his diabetes quite well, poor kid has been dealt a rough hand when it has come to his health but he has taken that in stride.
Danielle will be 14 Saturday and she went out for Volleyball this year but did not make the team but there is always next year, she has become quite the social butterfly this year,
She also got her braces back In Oct and the poor kid just hates them but looks forward to the straight
teeth that will follow
Jazmine......ah jazmine we have had a lot of problems over the past few months and i have shed many many tears, she will be going to a Boot Camp through The National Guard in April and be there until September, when she gets home she will have Graduated High School, there is a part of me that knows she needs this and it will help her so much, but there is the Part of me that just breaks knowing all she is going to miss out on and that I cant give it to her later, I just have to hold on to the knowledge that this is what is best for her and that I love her so much I am willing to do whatever I have to help her and I pray that she will see that eventually.
Our Family as a whole is doing well, we are waiting on two of our Goats to have babies and I guess it could be any day now, and 1 of our Ducks is sitting on about 8 eggs so we have ducklings to look forward to as well.......I don't think we will be keeping any of the babies but it will be fun to see them while we have them.
Tuesday, March 3, 2015
Grieving my heart hurts
I Can hardly believe that its been almost 2years since I was pregnant with my Son, almost 2 years
not sure how that much time has passed, when most days I still feel like it was just yesterday
most days I still feel like I am walking through and unimaginable hell that I beg to wake up from
knowing there is no way to wake up from this, knowing I must find someway to make it through
another day and wondering when it gets better??
No one seems to care that Hudson was here no one remembers him outside of myself and my Husband, and it breaks my heart such a precious little boy to be pushed out of Family and friends
minds so easily like he was never here, No one ever says his name, no one ever mentions him, if I
mention him I get one of two responses a polite smile and nod or an uncomfortable silence where I feel almost like I should apologize for talking about him.......What I wouldnt give for someone to look at me and ask How are you doing? to speak his name......but I guess every mother who has lost a child and had to bury said child goes through this hell wishing that someone would remember there
little one wishing it was a dream a very bad dream she was going to wake up from, but unfortunatly even when i wake up its all still here the pain the heartache the sadness..
not sure how that much time has passed, when most days I still feel like it was just yesterday
most days I still feel like I am walking through and unimaginable hell that I beg to wake up from
knowing there is no way to wake up from this, knowing I must find someway to make it through
another day and wondering when it gets better??
No one seems to care that Hudson was here no one remembers him outside of myself and my Husband, and it breaks my heart such a precious little boy to be pushed out of Family and friends
minds so easily like he was never here, No one ever says his name, no one ever mentions him, if I
mention him I get one of two responses a polite smile and nod or an uncomfortable silence where I feel almost like I should apologize for talking about him.......What I wouldnt give for someone to look at me and ask How are you doing? to speak his name......but I guess every mother who has lost a child and had to bury said child goes through this hell wishing that someone would remember there
little one wishing it was a dream a very bad dream she was going to wake up from, but unfortunatly even when i wake up its all still here the pain the heartache the sadness..
Monday, December 30, 2013
7months down
I have had a very rough year to say the least, I found out in March of this year I was expecting baby #6 we were so thrilled that the last baby for our family was coming,we had a few ultrasounds that showed baby measuring almost 2wks behind but at my nt scan baby was suddenly measuring right on track and I felt I could relax , then on May 24th it all went down hill we went in for an elective scan and found out we were expecting baby boy #4 I left happy planning in my head for him not knowing what was coming that evening I sat down for dinner and felt a gush I knew right then I was bleeding, I got to the nearest ER and they took me in for an ultrasound and showed my son very much alive he was kicking and moving all over, back in the room the doctor came in and told me i had a large bleed and I would likely lose the fetus, those words still ring In. my ears FETUS he was a baby a boy he had a name and I informed her of that fact, they said I was being sent home, I questioned the safety of this and what if I had my son at home? I was told that if I did I might see soon tissue but nothing more,I knew then the Dr was nuts at 4months the baby is fully formed, I went home not realizing I could have requested a transfer to my Obs hospital....I got home and spent the night awake in pain and suffering, then at 5:30am I gave birth to my son Hudson Avery Hunter Wright he was 6inches long and 2ounces,Hudson was born alive his few moments here with me I treasure he grabbed my pinky moved legs scrunched his face and then he was gone my husband was all I had to help me, I thank God everyday that every thing went text book as I was later told by my ob that i could have bleed to death before we could have gotten help, we live a good 54 mins from a hospital. we had him cremated ....my heart is broken its been 7months and I'm still broken im told it gets better but so far I don't see it, since losing Hudson I have had 2 early miscarriages, and lost my dog of 8yrs so as I said its been a rough year praying 2014 brings happiness and healing and my rainbow baby
Friday, January 20, 2012
updates on it all
Well I left off last time with my News about having celiac, since then I have lost 8lbs now!
this is amazing for me since i have beat my head on the brick wall of wieght loss just to be mocked by my body and its refusal to let any of it go! well since I have taken gluten out of my diet the wieght is just falling off I have not changed anything i do in my day to day things its just going.
We as a family are hanging in a Limbo land right now we recently were told the people who own the home we are renting are going to be selling the house.....now we had it all set with our realtor to move to another rental I must admit i was in tears over this as both the houses she had I HATED! but then we found out that the owners have not yet filed there papers and will not let us out of the lease just yet so now we sit and wait for them to file the papers or for a forcloser notice to get slapped on the door before we can do anything. This I have to say Sucks! we feel somewhat betrayed and feel like they are only keeping us here to get as much money as they can before they lose there house completley I say betrayed because when we were going to rent the home we were told that as long as we kept the house in good shape and paied our rent on time we would have a place to live unless they moved back to this state well this obviously was a lie..........
Kids well they are all doing well
Jazmine has hit boy crazy stage and I dont know how i am going to survive this one I just take her one day at a time and PRAY alot!
Danielle is doing well her reading is improving and she is learning to play guitar, for christmas we got her, her own guitar so she can practice at home.
Matthew is doing well too he is a straight A student and he is loving his cub scout den he is looking forward to the up coming pinewood derby
Bryan he is doing well we have our days with him where i believe i may just lose my mind! he has gotten alot worse about being repeative on what he wants he just says it over and over and over, water fear I thought we had left that behind us but that was 1 step forward about 10backwards! He still screams, and now has added in the fun of doing everything to avoid it he puts his jammies on in hopes of not having to.......school though he is doing better though he still has his days where he does not want to do his work so his aide has come up with ways to help him understand more that if he does not then there are concequenses to all of that......
Couper ahh my lil man he is almost 2yrs old the time has flown with him! he is talking quite well and I am relieved to see he is not showing any signs of autism I know that sounds bad that i was looking for it but once it happens you just cant help but worry for any kids that follow....
so thats about it for this update so busy in life as you can see......
this is amazing for me since i have beat my head on the brick wall of wieght loss just to be mocked by my body and its refusal to let any of it go! well since I have taken gluten out of my diet the wieght is just falling off I have not changed anything i do in my day to day things its just going.
We as a family are hanging in a Limbo land right now we recently were told the people who own the home we are renting are going to be selling the house.....now we had it all set with our realtor to move to another rental I must admit i was in tears over this as both the houses she had I HATED! but then we found out that the owners have not yet filed there papers and will not let us out of the lease just yet so now we sit and wait for them to file the papers or for a forcloser notice to get slapped on the door before we can do anything. This I have to say Sucks! we feel somewhat betrayed and feel like they are only keeping us here to get as much money as they can before they lose there house completley I say betrayed because when we were going to rent the home we were told that as long as we kept the house in good shape and paied our rent on time we would have a place to live unless they moved back to this state well this obviously was a lie..........
Kids well they are all doing well
Jazmine has hit boy crazy stage and I dont know how i am going to survive this one I just take her one day at a time and PRAY alot!
Danielle is doing well her reading is improving and she is learning to play guitar, for christmas we got her, her own guitar so she can practice at home.
Matthew is doing well too he is a straight A student and he is loving his cub scout den he is looking forward to the up coming pinewood derby
Bryan he is doing well we have our days with him where i believe i may just lose my mind! he has gotten alot worse about being repeative on what he wants he just says it over and over and over, water fear I thought we had left that behind us but that was 1 step forward about 10backwards! He still screams, and now has added in the fun of doing everything to avoid it he puts his jammies on in hopes of not having to.......school though he is doing better though he still has his days where he does not want to do his work so his aide has come up with ways to help him understand more that if he does not then there are concequenses to all of that......
Couper ahh my lil man he is almost 2yrs old the time has flown with him! he is talking quite well and I am relieved to see he is not showing any signs of autism I know that sounds bad that i was looking for it but once it happens you just cant help but worry for any kids that follow....
so thats about it for this update so busy in life as you can see......
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Celiac What?
So this post is going to be mostly about me and what i have recently discovered
a little back history though since i was a teenager I have had issues with stomach pain and not feeling good, but every time i went to a doctor about it I was told your fine there is nothing we can see wrong, its all in your head or you have a nervous stomach your just going to have to deal with it or figure out how to calm down....so I have just delt with it all these years, well in August I went to my family doctor and told her about the pain I have that comes and goes and how I feel Nauseated all the time,she thought maybe I had gallstones so I was sent for an Ultrasound that however came back clean so it wasnt that but she said she wasnt sure why i was in pain but wanted to send me to a GI doctor to see if they could find an answer for me.
So last week I saw the GI doctor and we went through my history and the pain I have and one of the first things he asked me was has anyone ever tested you for H.polori or Celiac Disease.......Um no I wasnt even sure what those things were. So he explained that the H.polori was a common stomach infection and the Celiac was Gluten Intolerance so I left with a lab slip had my blood drawn and Yesterday I got a phone call from the GI doctor that I did not have H.polori but I came back Positive for Celiac Disease .............So now I am waiting for the scheadule person to call and set up a time for me to come in and have a Biopsy of my small intestine done can we say NO FUN! but the GI doctor wants to do this for 2 reasons 1. to be able to give a 100% diagnosis and 2. to see how much damage has been done.
So while I am glad to have an answer to know that I was not Crazy that it wasnt all in my head I am angry/sad that I have yet something else that is life long to deal with that some of the issues I have had over the years could have been avoided all together had I known that I had Celiac , I found in research I have done that celiac that is not controlled can cause Infetility and Miscarrige both I have suffered over the years....once the Biopsy is done I will start a Diet that eliminates Wheat,Barley,Rye and Oats....I have had some great friends tell me of stores to get food from cook books to pick up so that I can continue to bake and do the things I love to do......and yet while I know this will be pretty easy to handle just more attention paid to things I am buying I cant help but scream inside and think Why is this happening to me? Wasnt what i have been through enough??? I have diabetes that comes with enough restrictions in life! now I am adding the celiac which is more restrictions more things i have to be aware of and worry about, I know there are far worse things to have to deal with and I am grateful that this something that I can do something about and that i will feel better but I just cant understand why this keeps happening to me.....of course now that I know all of this Now I can fix me! I wont have to be Tired and feeling sick all the time to have to fake that I am feeling fine when really I want to just curl up in a ball and wait for it to stop.......I just wonder to how all the doctors missed this? and why isnt this something that is routinely tested for? its a simple blood test and it could save so much suffering.
a little back history though since i was a teenager I have had issues with stomach pain and not feeling good, but every time i went to a doctor about it I was told your fine there is nothing we can see wrong, its all in your head or you have a nervous stomach your just going to have to deal with it or figure out how to calm down....so I have just delt with it all these years, well in August I went to my family doctor and told her about the pain I have that comes and goes and how I feel Nauseated all the time,she thought maybe I had gallstones so I was sent for an Ultrasound that however came back clean so it wasnt that but she said she wasnt sure why i was in pain but wanted to send me to a GI doctor to see if they could find an answer for me.
So last week I saw the GI doctor and we went through my history and the pain I have and one of the first things he asked me was has anyone ever tested you for H.polori or Celiac Disease.......Um no I wasnt even sure what those things were. So he explained that the H.polori was a common stomach infection and the Celiac was Gluten Intolerance so I left with a lab slip had my blood drawn and Yesterday I got a phone call from the GI doctor that I did not have H.polori but I came back Positive for Celiac Disease .............So now I am waiting for the scheadule person to call and set up a time for me to come in and have a Biopsy of my small intestine done can we say NO FUN! but the GI doctor wants to do this for 2 reasons 1. to be able to give a 100% diagnosis and 2. to see how much damage has been done.
So while I am glad to have an answer to know that I was not Crazy that it wasnt all in my head I am angry/sad that I have yet something else that is life long to deal with that some of the issues I have had over the years could have been avoided all together had I known that I had Celiac , I found in research I have done that celiac that is not controlled can cause Infetility and Miscarrige both I have suffered over the years....once the Biopsy is done I will start a Diet that eliminates Wheat,Barley,Rye and Oats....I have had some great friends tell me of stores to get food from cook books to pick up so that I can continue to bake and do the things I love to do......and yet while I know this will be pretty easy to handle just more attention paid to things I am buying I cant help but scream inside and think Why is this happening to me? Wasnt what i have been through enough??? I have diabetes that comes with enough restrictions in life! now I am adding the celiac which is more restrictions more things i have to be aware of and worry about, I know there are far worse things to have to deal with and I am grateful that this something that I can do something about and that i will feel better but I just cant understand why this keeps happening to me.....of course now that I know all of this Now I can fix me! I wont have to be Tired and feeling sick all the time to have to fake that I am feeling fine when really I want to just curl up in a ball and wait for it to stop.......I just wonder to how all the doctors missed this? and why isnt this something that is routinely tested for? its a simple blood test and it could save so much suffering.
Monday, July 18, 2011
long overdue 1yr is to long!
Its been a long time since I posted life with a baby keeps you busy that and add in 4 older kids....
all the kids are growing so fast these days Jazmine is going to be starting the 8th grade this year, when did that happen? wasnt she just a tiny baby??
Danielle is going into 5th grade, her reading has come a long way this year and she is such a little smart alec keeps us all in fits of laughter all the time......
Matthew is going into 4th grade he is something really all about the rules! just 2wks ago my Aunt set up the slip n slide for the kids to play on and she was going to try it too and Matthew is reading the box and says wait auntie how much do you Wiegh cause this box says up too 108lbs and I think you may be just to big for it and could get hurt..........ummmm lol how do you answer to that??
Bryan is going to 2nd grade and he is still doing well we have made some big progress this summer with water, this boy is so scared of water Im talking screaming crying and darn near climbing walls just to avoid a bath but it was like something clicked and he now lays back so I can wash his hair and tells me see mommy I not screaming I not crying Im a big boy! I cant tell you what a relife this has been so many other things we deal with on a daily basis and we know he cant help it but I am so glad we are leaving the water fear behind because lets face it he has to have bath's and be clean.....
Couper is 16months old now and he is by far my most challanging baby and I love every second of it! he is into everything!!! I never had to child lock anything with my other kids (except the fridge with bryan) but with him I have had to lock every drawer and cabinet in this house otherwise he will empty every one and say see dis? see see! and he climbs and falls alot he always has some new scrape bump or bruise from his climbing.......I swear he is going to give me a heart attack the way he is going.....
And me well I am happy with life things are good I love my guy and my kids and for once it seems that god is smiling down on me
all the kids are growing so fast these days Jazmine is going to be starting the 8th grade this year, when did that happen? wasnt she just a tiny baby??
Danielle is going into 5th grade, her reading has come a long way this year and she is such a little smart alec keeps us all in fits of laughter all the time......
Matthew is going into 4th grade he is something really all about the rules! just 2wks ago my Aunt set up the slip n slide for the kids to play on and she was going to try it too and Matthew is reading the box and says wait auntie how much do you Wiegh cause this box says up too 108lbs and I think you may be just to big for it and could get hurt..........ummmm lol how do you answer to that??
Bryan is going to 2nd grade and he is still doing well we have made some big progress this summer with water, this boy is so scared of water Im talking screaming crying and darn near climbing walls just to avoid a bath but it was like something clicked and he now lays back so I can wash his hair and tells me see mommy I not screaming I not crying Im a big boy! I cant tell you what a relife this has been so many other things we deal with on a daily basis and we know he cant help it but I am so glad we are leaving the water fear behind because lets face it he has to have bath's and be clean.....
Couper is 16months old now and he is by far my most challanging baby and I love every second of it! he is into everything!!! I never had to child lock anything with my other kids (except the fridge with bryan) but with him I have had to lock every drawer and cabinet in this house otherwise he will empty every one and say see dis? see see! and he climbs and falls alot he always has some new scrape bump or bruise from his climbing.......I swear he is going to give me a heart attack the way he is going.....
And me well I am happy with life things are good I love my guy and my kids and for once it seems that god is smiling down on me
Monday, March 1, 2010
36wks and Nothing wow
So as of today I am more pregnant then I have been before.with all of my kids i have gone into labor and been done by exactly 36wks but that day has come and gone and I am shocked to say the least.......I fully expected this one to repeat that but Im still pregnant still waiting. I think this one may just hold on to my c-section date of 3/17 and that is totally fine by me if that is what baby wants to do. I am anxious to hold this baby though to not be preg anymore. to have my body back to myself. I am however getting some nice pictures of the baby's chubby lil face. so for now we wait.

Sunday, December 13, 2009
Snow,Snow and more Snow!

The Girls playing Jazmine has one big snowball, Danielle not sure what is with the face
So the last week we have gotten alot of snow! last night we ended up with another foot of snow, the kids Love it though I could do without it. its pretty to look at, but having to go out in it is not my idea of a good time. I took Bryan out into the snow for the first time and poor boy sank to his knees and fell over, trying to help him up had us both in fits of giggles, my feet kept sliding and he couldnt get his feet under him. and he kept saying Help! Help! I fall down Help! The girls lasted the longest out in the snow playing making snowball's but the rest of us went in where it was nice and toasty warm.
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Pictures of Baby #5
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Another Scattered Post
So its been awhile again since I have been here, of course with 4 kids, and being pregnant with #5 makes finding that time to sit and type a bit harder to come by..... Nothing really big to update about. All the kids are doing well in school, Bryan is talking counting and singing his ABC's now totally amazes me, he can now spell his first name and when asked tell you his full name, quite a big deal for a boy that just 3months ago when asked his name would say NAME! and that was it, All the kids know we are expecting a new brother or sister in Late March and we have 1 for a sister 3 for a brother lol can you guess which of my girls wants the brother so she doesnt have to share her room some more???? Bryan if you ask him he will tell you every time that there is a Baby Brother in mommy's tummy....he may be on to something but we wont know for sure in till baby gets here.
I did talk to my High risk OB about having a VBA2C and much to my shock he said that he didnt see why I couldnt but wanted to run it by another doctor in the practice so as long as both agree and baby is small enough we are talking under 7lbs 14oz I can go ahead and try for a natural birth,I feel like I can quite dreading my Due Date now, cause while giving birth is a wonderful event I hate the anticpation of what is to come knowing it will be c-section. Time is going by Far to quickly for me with the pregnancy though so many more things I still have left to do and so little time to get it done in.....really need to get my self in gear and finish. so thats about it for now ill have to get the new pictures of the baby up from my last Doc vist, and some of the kids.
I did talk to my High risk OB about having a VBA2C and much to my shock he said that he didnt see why I couldnt but wanted to run it by another doctor in the practice so as long as both agree and baby is small enough we are talking under 7lbs 14oz I can go ahead and try for a natural birth,I feel like I can quite dreading my Due Date now, cause while giving birth is a wonderful event I hate the anticpation of what is to come knowing it will be c-section. Time is going by Far to quickly for me with the pregnancy though so many more things I still have left to do and so little time to get it done in.....really need to get my self in gear and finish. so thats about it for now ill have to get the new pictures of the baby up from my last Doc vist, and some of the kids.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
A Bill of RIghts
I Got this off another friends blog but found it very fitting thanks=)
A Bill of Rights For Parents of Kids With Special Needs
We, the parents, in order to form a more perfect union, establish justice, insure tranquility (and sanity) and promote the general welfare of our families, do ordain and establish this Bill of Rights.
* We have the right to expect our kids to be seen for who they are as individuals, not as labels or diagnoses.
* We have a right to trust our instincts about our kids and realize that experts don't always know best.
* We have a right to ignore the remarks, questions and stares and not give explanations or excuses for why our children are the way they are.
* We have a right to choose alternative therapies for our kids.
* We have a right to roll our eyes straight out of our heads when we encounter certain mothers who brag nonstop that their kids are the smartest students/best athletes ever.
* We have a right to wonder “What if…” every so often.
* We have a right to play aimlessly with our children. Not for therapeutic or educational purposes—just for fun.
* We have a right to blast Bruce Springsteen/Tom Petty/Any Rocker, down a glass of Pinot Grigio, get a pedicure, go out with the girls or do all of the aforementioned at once if that's what it takes to avoid burnout.
* We have a right to react to people’s ignorance in whatever way we feel necessary.
* We have a right to not always have our child be the poster child for his/her disability and some days be just a child.
* We have a right to go through the grieving process and realize we may never quite be "over it."
* We have the right to give our kids chores. Even better if they can learn to make breakfast in bed for us.
* We have a right to stretch the truth when we fail to do the exercises the therapist asked us to do this week because we were too darn tired or overwhelmed.
* We have a right to have yet more Pinot Grigio
* We have a right to fire any doctor or therapist who's negative, unsupportive or who generally says suck-y things.
* We have a right to tell family and friends that everything may not be OK—at least not how they mean it, anyway.
* We have a right to hope for an empty playground so we don’t have to look into another child’s eyes and answer the question, “What’s wrong with him?”
* We have a right to bawl on the way back from the playground, the birthday party, the mall or anyplace where our children’s challenges become glaringly obvious in the face of all the other kids doing their typical-development things.
* We have the right to give our children consequences for their behavior. They may be “special” but they can still be a royal pain in the ass.
* We have a right to take a break from Googling therapies, procedures, medicine and treatments for our kids to research upcoming concerts, exotic teas or anything not related to our child’s disabilities.
* We have a right to talk about how great our kids are when people don’t get it.
* We have the right to not always behave as inspirational icons who never complain or gripe about the sometimes awful realities of raising a child with special needs.
* We have a right to expect quality services for our children not just when they’re infants, preschoolers and elementary school age, but when they’re in older grades and adults, too.
* We have a right to adequate funding for those services and to not have to kick, scream or endure a wait for them.
* We have a right to get tired of people saying, as they give that sympathy stare, "I don't know how you do it."
* We have a right to wish that sometimes things could be easier.
* We have a right to cheer like crazy anytime our children amaze us—or weep like lunatics.
* We have a right to push, push and push some more to make sure our children are treated fairly by the world
A Bill of Rights For Parents of Kids With Special Needs
We, the parents, in order to form a more perfect union, establish justice, insure tranquility (and sanity) and promote the general welfare of our families, do ordain and establish this Bill of Rights.
* We have the right to expect our kids to be seen for who they are as individuals, not as labels or diagnoses.
* We have a right to trust our instincts about our kids and realize that experts don't always know best.
* We have a right to ignore the remarks, questions and stares and not give explanations or excuses for why our children are the way they are.
* We have a right to choose alternative therapies for our kids.
* We have a right to roll our eyes straight out of our heads when we encounter certain mothers who brag nonstop that their kids are the smartest students/best athletes ever.
* We have a right to wonder “What if…” every so often.
* We have a right to play aimlessly with our children. Not for therapeutic or educational purposes—just for fun.
* We have a right to blast Bruce Springsteen/Tom Petty/Any Rocker, down a glass of Pinot Grigio, get a pedicure, go out with the girls or do all of the aforementioned at once if that's what it takes to avoid burnout.
* We have a right to react to people’s ignorance in whatever way we feel necessary.
* We have a right to not always have our child be the poster child for his/her disability and some days be just a child.
* We have a right to go through the grieving process and realize we may never quite be "over it."
* We have the right to give our kids chores. Even better if they can learn to make breakfast in bed for us.
* We have a right to stretch the truth when we fail to do the exercises the therapist asked us to do this week because we were too darn tired or overwhelmed.
* We have a right to have yet more Pinot Grigio
* We have a right to fire any doctor or therapist who's negative, unsupportive or who generally says suck-y things.
* We have a right to tell family and friends that everything may not be OK—at least not how they mean it, anyway.
* We have a right to hope for an empty playground so we don’t have to look into another child’s eyes and answer the question, “What’s wrong with him?”
* We have a right to bawl on the way back from the playground, the birthday party, the mall or anyplace where our children’s challenges become glaringly obvious in the face of all the other kids doing their typical-development things.
* We have the right to give our children consequences for their behavior. They may be “special” but they can still be a royal pain in the ass.
* We have a right to take a break from Googling therapies, procedures, medicine and treatments for our kids to research upcoming concerts, exotic teas or anything not related to our child’s disabilities.
* We have a right to talk about how great our kids are when people don’t get it.
* We have the right to not always behave as inspirational icons who never complain or gripe about the sometimes awful realities of raising a child with special needs.
* We have a right to expect quality services for our children not just when they’re infants, preschoolers and elementary school age, but when they’re in older grades and adults, too.
* We have a right to adequate funding for those services and to not have to kick, scream or endure a wait for them.
* We have a right to get tired of people saying, as they give that sympathy stare, "I don't know how you do it."
* We have a right to wish that sometimes things could be easier.
* We have a right to cheer like crazy anytime our children amaze us—or weep like lunatics.
* We have a right to push, push and push some more to make sure our children are treated fairly by the world
Saturday, May 30, 2009
change
Life as I know has changed........and yet im still not quite sure how I feel....Relife? Emptyness?
its going to take time to set in I think but soon ill blog all about it.
its going to take time to set in I think but soon ill blog all about it.
Thursday, March 26, 2009
My Son ,My Mircale
Its been a little bit since I last posted hasnt it?
well to start I am not in the 2WW for those of you that dont know what that means it is refering to the Two week wait for Aunt flow to show....... I went to the RE last week on Friday and was given my Trigger shot and 3 days before I was told I had 2 good follies one on each side I am just praying this time at least 1 takes, all I am asking is Just 1.
Other things happening around here I had Bryan's IEP meeting and He will get moved next year into a kindergarten setting with more teachers less kids and will still get his Speech therapy, OT therapy and Physical therapy, I was glad to hear he will be taken into the Regular Kindergarten rooms ( ok I found that kind of obnoxious Regular/Normal) and get to do art center, Music time and some of the seat work he will however always have A teacher with him to keep him in his seat make sure he dose not hurt another child or become disruptive,if he does they will remove him from the class and take him back to the other room.....he will also get to go on the Field trips to the pumpkin patch and his Kindergarten Graduation, I am so happy that he is progressing he is speaking and blossoming and it is truly a mircale to witness this my boy who went from saying nothing more then No and dada to speaking to me telling me he loves me. Of course there is the Mom part of me that still thinks it is so unfair that he has to struggle to learn these things, and I wonder if he will ever get to be in a regular class setting without someone hovering over him will he ever get to be like the other kids running around playing and socializeing? or will the Autism hold him back and keep him from being able to interact with other kids? I pray each night that he will prove everyone wrong and just be him happy whole and complete but I guess you could say he already is Whole and Complete he is exactly who god intended him to be and perhaps I should accept that and thank him for this precious boy who I get to see achevie big things daily and I witness mircales through each day.
well to start I am not in the 2WW for those of you that dont know what that means it is refering to the Two week wait for Aunt flow to show....... I went to the RE last week on Friday and was given my Trigger shot and 3 days before I was told I had 2 good follies one on each side I am just praying this time at least 1 takes, all I am asking is Just 1.
Other things happening around here I had Bryan's IEP meeting and He will get moved next year into a kindergarten setting with more teachers less kids and will still get his Speech therapy, OT therapy and Physical therapy, I was glad to hear he will be taken into the Regular Kindergarten rooms ( ok I found that kind of obnoxious Regular/Normal) and get to do art center, Music time and some of the seat work he will however always have A teacher with him to keep him in his seat make sure he dose not hurt another child or become disruptive,if he does they will remove him from the class and take him back to the other room.....he will also get to go on the Field trips to the pumpkin patch and his Kindergarten Graduation, I am so happy that he is progressing he is speaking and blossoming and it is truly a mircale to witness this my boy who went from saying nothing more then No and dada to speaking to me telling me he loves me. Of course there is the Mom part of me that still thinks it is so unfair that he has to struggle to learn these things, and I wonder if he will ever get to be in a regular class setting without someone hovering over him will he ever get to be like the other kids running around playing and socializeing? or will the Autism hold him back and keep him from being able to interact with other kids? I pray each night that he will prove everyone wrong and just be him happy whole and complete but I guess you could say he already is Whole and Complete he is exactly who god intended him to be and perhaps I should accept that and thank him for this precious boy who I get to see achevie big things daily and I witness mircales through each day.
Friday, March 13, 2009
No Longer Unexplained Infertility
So finally after Months of waiting and then more waiting for a cyst to go away I am on a Medicated
cycle yes thats right please dont faint! I know I wanted too! this cycle I took Femara and later this week I will take an Injection of Bravelle and then wait for my ultrasound and pray we have a couple good eggs,and that we manage to catch one and be blessed with baby #5!
Of course when I went into my RE for my baseline u/s I mentioned (on suggestion of my Friend)
that I thought maybe I could have Pcos and Imagine my surprise when I was told that not only did I have Pcos but that they diagnosied that a year ago, but for whatever reason someone failed to tell me this, I was a bit irratated but glad to know too! that these Long Annov cycles, the painfull periods and the persistant cysts are not because I am crazy but because I have an actual diagnosiable problem! so For now we wait and see how this cycle will pan out and pray that this is the last one I ever have to do.
cycle yes thats right please dont faint! I know I wanted too! this cycle I took Femara and later this week I will take an Injection of Bravelle and then wait for my ultrasound and pray we have a couple good eggs,and that we manage to catch one and be blessed with baby #5!
Of course when I went into my RE for my baseline u/s I mentioned (on suggestion of my Friend)
that I thought maybe I could have Pcos and Imagine my surprise when I was told that not only did I have Pcos but that they diagnosied that a year ago, but for whatever reason someone failed to tell me this, I was a bit irratated but glad to know too! that these Long Annov cycles, the painfull periods and the persistant cysts are not because I am crazy but because I have an actual diagnosiable problem! so For now we wait and see how this cycle will pan out and pray that this is the last one I ever have to do.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Jamine's MRI and a Rant
Well its been a bit since I have written here time just gets away from me.Jazmine had Her MRI finally and I am waiting for the Results of that and to find out where they will send her I have been told now that it will either be UCSF or UC Davis.... I really want this to be taken care of and done. Of course if we are sent to SF we were going to stay with a friend of mine there but I wont be doing that now I found out that Friend Betrayed my trust, my girls Bio dad has nothing to do with them he gave them up when they were 4 and 1 yr well I found out that this friend of mine was telling them information about Jazmine (Bio dad's family) her neck ect and these things were not to be told to them its none of there buissness I know you are probably thinking how could I be so cold not to include them, so I guess I will give a little backround on him and his family, they are the type of people who use someone play on there sympathy to get what they can and when they get found out the drop that person and move to the next sucker.....in 8 yrs they have not bothered to be involved with the girls except when they got a wild hair and decided that now was a good time to butt in, of course I put my foot down and said no more especially when they began defending the actions of the Bio dad, just so many things wrong with them and I dont want them any where near the girls, after all where was he when they had a belly ache or skinned there knee or the first day of school.......sure as heck not here helping them being a dad nope he tucked his tail and Ran! So I am Angry no make the IRATE that this so called Friend of mine had the nerve to go behind my back and give them information they have no right to!
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Its been 2yrs

It had been 2 yrs now since I had my first loss and when I woke this morning I felt like it
was just yesterday that I had lost my precious baby........ I know that things get better but I
never thought that 2yrs later I would still have that empty hole in my heart. I still think of
the baby I lost and wonder boy or girl blonde hair or Brown, blue eyes or Brown? how would
there little personality have fit into our family.....of course I dont know these things and I never
will........I seem to be the only one that remebers today. my husband doesnt even recall....I guess I
cant fault him for that he is after all a guy and never been pregnant so I cant expect him to remeber things like this it doesnt hurt him the way it does me. So to my Dear sweet baby waiting
for me I miss you I love you and someday we will be together again.....
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Im being Realistic this time.
Ok so today I finally recived some good news but I have to say I am not holding my breath
nor am I allowing myself to be hopeful that for once it may turn out right, this time I am
going to be realistic! I went in today and picked up my lab papers from my Endo and of course
Kidneys, cholestorol and everything PERFECT! then went and got my eyes checked still nearsighted but I knew that, was checked for Retenopathy and of course my eyes look great and still baffles the doctors that after 14yrs with Diabetes that my eyes have no issues at all, of course they wont I take care of myself and plan to live and see for a long time to come! with all of these results in hand I went to my final appt for today to the RE and figured we were just talking plan of care and waited for his next stall tactic, surpriseingly no stalling he says we can begin again with medicated cycles when my next cycle starts........then because i have had some bleeding issues he
decided to do an u/s to see what was going on and we found I am in the middle of my cycle ready to ovulate so I recived the trigger shot and now I wait for 2 weeks to see if Aunt flow finds me or if I get that ever elusive baby........but I also know that even if I manage to get the positive preg test doesnt mean I will have a baby after all two other times now I have gotten Preg and then had it all come crashing down around me so I am being realistic I am not hoping I am just waiting seeing what will happen....... I know what my heart wants but I still dont know that it will happen but I still have a hard time seeing Bryan as my last child I have the empty space in my heart and I still pray some day it will be filled but for now I just wait and see what happens next
nor am I allowing myself to be hopeful that for once it may turn out right, this time I am
going to be realistic! I went in today and picked up my lab papers from my Endo and of course
Kidneys, cholestorol and everything PERFECT! then went and got my eyes checked still nearsighted but I knew that, was checked for Retenopathy and of course my eyes look great and still baffles the doctors that after 14yrs with Diabetes that my eyes have no issues at all, of course they wont I take care of myself and plan to live and see for a long time to come! with all of these results in hand I went to my final appt for today to the RE and figured we were just talking plan of care and waited for his next stall tactic, surpriseingly no stalling he says we can begin again with medicated cycles when my next cycle starts........then because i have had some bleeding issues he
decided to do an u/s to see what was going on and we found I am in the middle of my cycle ready to ovulate so I recived the trigger shot and now I wait for 2 weeks to see if Aunt flow finds me or if I get that ever elusive baby........but I also know that even if I manage to get the positive preg test doesnt mean I will have a baby after all two other times now I have gotten Preg and then had it all come crashing down around me so I am being realistic I am not hoping I am just waiting seeing what will happen....... I know what my heart wants but I still dont know that it will happen but I still have a hard time seeing Bryan as my last child I have the empty space in my heart and I still pray some day it will be filled but for now I just wait and see what happens next
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