7months down

I have had a very rough year to say the least, I found out in March of this year I was  expecting baby #6 we were so thrilled that the last baby for our family was coming,we had a few ultrasounds that showed baby measuring almost 2wks behind but at my nt scan baby was suddenly measuring right on track and I felt I could relax , then on May 24th it all went down hill we went in for an elective scan and found out we were expecting baby boy #4 I left happy planning in my head for him not knowing what was coming that evening I sat down for dinner and felt a gush I knew right then I was bleeding, I got to the nearest ER and they took me in for an ultrasound and showed my son very much alive he was kicking and moving all over, back in the room the doctor came in and told me i had a large bleed and I would likely lose the fetus, those words still ring In. my ears FETUS he was a baby a boy he had a name and I informed her of that fact, they said I was being sent home, I questioned the safety of this and what if I had my son at home? I was told that if I did I might see soon tissue but nothing more,I knew then the Dr was nuts at 4months the baby is fully formed, I went home not realizing I could have requested a transfer to my Obs hospital....I got home and spent the night awake in pain and suffering, then at 5:30am I gave birth to my son Hudson Avery Hunter Wright he was 6inches long and 2ounces,Hudson was born alive his few moments here with me I treasure he grabbed my pinky moved legs scrunched his face and then he was gone  my husband was all I had to help me, I thank God everyday that  every thing went text book as I was later told by my ob that i could have bleed to death before we could have gotten help, we live a good 54  mins from a hospital. we had him cremated ....my heart is broken its been 7months and I'm still broken  im told it gets better but so far I don't see it, since losing Hudson I have had  2 early miscarriages, and lost my dog of 8yrs so as I said its been a rough year praying 2014 brings happiness and healing and my rainbow baby