Halloween and the perferct Timeing NOT

Tonight is Halloween!!! Looking forward to taking the kids out tonight I am hoping that the Rain we are due to have holds off untill the kids are done trick or treating. of course we have a plan in place for tonight for Bryan, we plan to go to all the houses we normally would but the scary one's we wont take him up to unless he wants to, and if he gets to upset or scared one of us will take him home while the other continues T or Ting with the other kids. I will have to put up pictures later tonight.
Oh and of course Just in time for Halloween My favorite friend showed up to vist me taking me just 6 months away from 4yrs of trying for baby #5, though we did decide to go ahead and wait till Jan for the help so that we can give the kids the christmas they deserve, after not like I can tell them sorry kids No christmas this year. and to add more concern my Puppy is sick we dont know why or whats wrong so I have been bribing him with little treats here and there to get him to eat. I wanted to take him to the vet but they have no openings right now so he has to wait and in the meantime I pray he gets better on his own.

A Vent of sorts

So today I have been thinking far to much or maybe I havent I have been told in the past that I over think things that I am to senstive with things so that caused me to hide my feelings deep down in me and not letting anyone know when Im hurt or upset, So things that I have been feeling latley have just stayed hidden though I feel like I shouldnt, I hate feeling like I am being ignored I speak and nothing no respones its like Im invisable or didnt say a word! It makes me want to scream but the rational me just Ignores and never says a word. or the constant over look by family that belive well she strong she doesnt need our support so instead lets just ignore her and deal with the liars and users lets cater to them!! and I hate that I am not strong enough to speak up and say stop stepping on me stop pretending like I dont matter! Like I will always be here no matter what you do or dont do. I dont have any friends I have people I know but I wouldnt say they are my friends they only call me or come around when they need something from me! like a sitter or someone to listen to them talk then Im there friend, The only friends I have I have found on the Internet but I wonder what they really think of me? do they find me Odd or do they think I say innaproprate things? so In the end I guess it comes to me being insecure with myself not knowing if I am bothering someone. So I will continue to be be silent except here! I will just continue.................

Test, Improvment and Happiness

Well all the tests have come back and it shows that I have High levels of thyroid Antibodies, proving that I have Hashimotos Thyroiditis. My Doc has decided to wait just yet on doing anything with my meds till my next blood Draw in Jan, the good news I got from my Endo was that Instead of waiting till Jan to have my Next HA1C done that I can come in when I am ready and have it checked again. If it is down to a 7.0 I can go ahead back to my RE and begin the process of TTC yet again.

Bryan had his 6month IEP meeting today and his teachers are impressed with his improvment, He is actually talking to the other kids at times and a big step for him He is now sitting on a swing and moving himself with his foot! when before he would go no where near that swing, Im so proud of him He is understanding phrases now about Wait and my turn. He will now tell me It my turn! his Physical therapist showed me some exercises to do with him to help get him off his toes and improve his balance, poor boy can be walking and for no reason fall on his face. so Im hoping these streatches will help him.
the rest of the kids are doing well loving school and doing well in it. and of course we are still moving forward with our Adoption my Husband has wanted for the last 6yrs to adopte both my girls from my previous marrige, nothing stands in the way of that just getting the papers filled out filed and approved! I guess when there Bio father gave up his rights it was a blessing, at the time I thought it was about the worst thing anyone could do but now I see that God had other plans cause had he not done that I dont know that we would ever be able to go through with the adoption........... but because of his poor choice we can and soon my girls will be Known as Serrano and no longer have to carry a name niether of them wants.

Baby #5 where are you?

So Im begining to think that I am in the middle of some sick cosmic joke, or maybe I did something to piss god off? Though As much as I try to figure out how I may have done that i cant think of a reason, Maybe I wasnt kind enough to my family? or maybe I wronged someone along the way?and so to punish me for this I am no longer able to have babies. I think back to when I was a little girl and when I was asked what I wanted to be when I grew I up I proudly announced that I wanted to be a Mommy! and I was going to have lots of kids. well I have done that my dream never changed.all I am asking is to be blessed with one more child one more blessing. but I am starting to think no one is listening. what do I do to get someone to listen how do I kick this body of mine back into working?????
I have Hope though that it can be done,one of my Friends in the Internet world is now pregnant with a baby about 3months along and for a long time she didnt think it would happen for her that maybe her eggs were to old but they werent and early next year she will be holding her little blessing, so Maybe I can do it too? Just keep trying at this and praying that it works but at the same time I cant help but wonder if I just am not ment to have that 5th baby?

TTC on hold yet again

So I had my appt yesterday with my Re and I fully expected to be starting another medicated cycle. So imagine my shock when he tells me he wants to wait untill my next HA1C and that isnt till January!
All of this because he had me consult with a Perinatologist and the guy was the Defintion of an Ass! He uses scare tactics and tried to lump me in with every other Diabetic he has come across insisting I was unhealthy and very sick and that He was soo sure I had Kidney and Heart damage. I knew he was full of it! Last week I saw my Endo (Diabetic Doctor) and went over everything the Peri had said and my Endo agreed that he was full of it! that I was very healthy and not a thing wrong with me. and no reason I couldnt contiue on my quest for a baby.
So When I saw my RE he wanted to make both docs happy so he is going for an inbetween my last HA1c was like 7.6 and the RE wants it down to a 7.0 so that the Peri is happy never mind that my diabetic doc said I was fine, though he did say that he wants to see my HA1c at a 6.5 but with the way I manage everything and my health he wasnt worried. So last night I spent alot of time upset and not knowing quite what to do or think., but Bryan and I talked and decided that since I wont recive any help till my February cycle that we would try on our own still but no temping and to make sure of that He threw away my BBT. He is hopefull that we can get pg on our own I am not as hopefull as he is I still just dont see how this is going to work out for me.
I suppose ill be in a better mind set soon but for now im still hurting still crushed and still very angry at the Idiot peri who thought he knew everything without ever knowing a thing!

Hashimoto's.......TTC and the Kids

Well were to start? I guess on the TTC Front, I thought I was pg from our medicated cycle but turned out it was a chemical or a faulty test. so now we are waiting for a new cycle to start and go from there. I am also being tested for Hashimoto's Disease I have a low thyroid already but my Endo belives it has finally given out and is the reason for my Wieght gain in the last 5 months. If those test's come back + I will be on a higher dose of Meds for that and hopefully feel better.
with as hard as having another baby has been It still amazes me how people just dont think about how there comments will make you feel. things like well you have kids already 4 is alot you dont need anymore. Or the most irratating one Just Relax it will happen...........Ummm if that was the case i would have had a baby a couple years ago!
Not alot else going on Kids are in school and doing well Jazmine brought home her Progress report and she did great! all A's and B's so proud of her! Danielle did well to , she is being tested for Dyslexia as she is haveing imense problems learning to read and switches her letters, Im hoping to get her some help with this as her and I are so alike that we end up getting on the others nerves and I am not able to help her. Matthew is doing well too,though he is having problems staying on task but I think that will happen eventually after all he is only 6!
Bryan well he is speaking even more today he surprised me and said Mommy look Bicycle!! and then he was naming off everything he saw Tree, Car, Truck Bird, Helicopter, I could listen to him all day! So that's about it for now. maybe some day my Blog will be very entertaining lol but for now im pretty boring.