Making my Blog a little more public

 So I think for the first time ever I am going to make this Blog more public....let people see the me
that most don't see, We have some events coming up soon a couple  I Would rather not think about
really and a few that will be fun.

Couper is now 5 and in Preschool, he loves being with the other kids and getting to play but he is
picking up things from them that I could really do without and I am now seriously considering Homeschooling him.

Bryan is doing well has all A's and B's he does a lot for himself now he can make his own lunch
clean his room and likes to help feed our animals

Matthew is almost 13! he is so tall now taller than I am, still loves the Video games and can tell you just about everything about them. He is such a good boy and is managing his diabetes quite well, poor kid has been dealt a rough hand when it has come to his health but he has taken that in stride.

Danielle will be 14 Saturday and she went out for Volleyball this year but did not make the team but there is always next year, she has become quite the social butterfly this year,
She also got her braces back In Oct and the poor kid just hates them but looks forward to the straight
teeth that will follow

Jazmine......ah jazmine we have had a lot of problems over the past few months and i have shed many many tears, she will be going to a Boot Camp through The National Guard in April and be there until September, when she gets home she will have Graduated High School, there is a part of me that knows she needs this and it will help her so much, but there is the Part of me that just breaks knowing all she is going to miss out on and that I cant give it to her later, I just have to hold on to the knowledge that this is what is best for her and that I love her so much I am willing to do whatever I have to help her and I pray that she will see that eventually.

Our Family as a whole is doing well, we are waiting on two of our Goats to have babies and I guess it could be any day now, and 1 of our Ducks is sitting on about 8 eggs so we have ducklings to look forward to as well.......I don't think we will be keeping any of the babies but it will be fun to see them while we have them.

Grieving my heart hurts

I  Can hardly believe that its been almost 2years since I was pregnant with my Son, almost 2 years
not sure how that much time has passed, when most days I still feel like it was just yesterday
most days I still feel like I am walking through and unimaginable hell that I beg to wake up from
knowing there is no way to wake up from this, knowing I must find someway to make it through
another day and wondering when it gets better??
No one seems to care that Hudson was here no one remembers him outside of myself and my Husband, and it breaks my heart such a precious little boy to be pushed out of Family and friends
minds so easily like he was never here, No one ever says his name, no one ever mentions him, if  I
mention him I get one of two responses a polite smile and nod or an uncomfortable silence where I feel almost like I should apologize for talking about him.......What I wouldnt give for someone to look at me and ask How are you doing? to speak his name......but I guess every mother who has lost a child and had to bury said child goes through this hell wishing that someone would remember there
little one wishing it was a dream a very bad dream she was going to wake up from, but unfortunatly even when i wake up its all still here the pain the heartache the sadness..