Nov is here and my arms are still empty

So we are in November and as the days go my heart is getting heavier, I should be getting ready to have a baby right now but because I lost that baby there is no baby to prephare for, I walk past the stockings in the store and think to myself I should be buying a new one this year, and then As I walk past the baby clothes the christmas outfits catch my eye and the thought passes through my mind I should be over there decideing which one to get, but Im not cause there is no baby to buy it for. My heart is hurting more then I let on even my husband doesnt know how bad im hurting. I dont understand why I keep loseing them, I thought the 1st miscarrige was hard and that when I got pregnant again that I would carry that baby and be holding him/her by mid November but my plans were dashed and Im still left with empty arms. I cherish my kids that are here with me and spend my time with them but I cant help but think of the 3 that have left me in the last 2yrs, what would they look like, what kind of temperment would they have? would they have there daddies Brown eyes or my blue, blonde hair or brown. Of course I wont know these things till I see them again in Heaven.....so In short my heart is hurting and I just am losing hope that I will ever have another baby. I found a poem that fits for me right now its not my poem but I thought it was Beautiful and it fits........
Today is the due date
For you to be born.
But all I have is
An emptiness to mourn.

Mommy's arms are empty
With no baby to hold.
My heart feels heavy.
The weather is cold.

This should have been the time
For the anticipation of your arrival.
But no one seems to be remembering
To share in my grief or sorrow.

You were a life
Created from love.
You were a gift
That was sent from above.

Why couldn't you join us
To become a family of Seven .
You'd have had parents who loved you
And a brother whom you'd adore.

But Mommy's arms are empty
With no baby to hold.
My heart feels heavy.
The weather is cold.

Grandma's birthday is getting nearer.
The date we told your brother you would be here.
Instead of excitement, joy, and celebration,
I shed yet another tear.

Your nursery is still the computer room.
Your bassinet is down in a box.
Your blankies remain folded
With your tiny baby clothes and your cute little socks.

There isn't a day that goes by
When I haven't thought of you.
Calculating how far along my pregnancy would be
Or how big my tummy would be getting, too.

But Mommy's arms are empty
With no baby to hold.
My heart feels heavy.
The weather is cold.

I know that you have gone
To a much better place.
Knowing that the grace of God
Is shining on your face.

I see another baby.
I think of you then, too.
Wondering what you'd have looked like
As you giggle, cry, and coo.

But I will never know these things
Because you will never be here.
But in my heart you'll always be
My baby, my angel, my dear.

It doesn't make it easier.
For the pain I have is still here.
I will never forget you, my little one.
That fact remains quite clear.

But Mommy's arms are empty
With no baby to hold.
My heart feels heavy.
The weather is still cold.